


faith

by weasleypapi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, F/M/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, polyamorous, sex anxiety, talks of religion/God
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-27 17:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weasleypapi/pseuds/weasleypapi
Summary: "I'm losing my religion every day."which a girl tries to keep her faith.
Relationships: Attack Titan/Eren Yeager, Eren Yeager/Reader, Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager, Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager/Original Female Character(s), Jean Kirstein/Reader, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Ensemble/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic will contain fluff, angst, mental health issues, sex anxiety, talks of sexual assault, smut (maybe), alcohol, drugs, & talks about religion/God. If this isn't your type of fanfic please leave and if you do choose to stay please be kind on the comments if that's if you're going to comment. Thank you. 💛

We shouldn't say his name in vain. He gives us faith. He loves all of us.

Wait until marriage. It's a sin to engage in sexual activity.

* * *

November 3, 2019  
You took a deep breath though it felt like a shaky one since you were extremely nervous about the text you just received from your boyfriend, well now ex boyfriend. He had texted you to meet him at his place so you can give his clothes back. You were sitting on the edge of your best friends bed alone in the dark only for the light from your phone to illuminate on your face.

It's for the better. He caused me too much anxiety, but why do I feel like my heart has been stabbed and then ripped out of my chest.

You looked down to your phone, typing out an 'ok' and clicking on send.

You felt hot tears streaming down your cheeks and the throbbing throat that was caused by trying hard not to sob. Why am I crying for him, he caused me so much anxiety and pain. This is for the best. You thought. You let out a soft okay and flicked out the tears and leaving your best friends room to go join her at the living room where you guys were watching a movie.

"Feeling better?" Her words filled with sympathy and comfort. You take a seat next to her on the couch.

"I..really don't know." You stare at the carpet as you felt like your brain was fogging up and going blank. That's what you always did every time something emotional happens you just drift away from reality not wanting to deal with the problems. It was your coping mechanism since you were a child.

"Y/N? What happened?" Amari nudged your shoulder breaking you from your own mind.

"Uh...he just wants me to come to his house so I can drop of his clothes." You got a hold of the blanket Amari was snuggled in and cover yourself with it leaning closer to her to get her warmth. You were never big on affection but you needed this right now.

"Why can't he come over and get it himself. Nah, honey that don't work like that." Amari gives out a sarcastic chuckle. "Doesn't he live like 5 minutes away from me?"

"Yes."

"Then he should come here. You are not about to walk alone in the middle of night just to give his shit back." Amari stands up, while slowly laying you down. She was heading to the kitchen still on her rant about how your ex should come over here and other nasty things. Is not that Amari didn't like your ex boyfriend she just tolerated him for your sake.

"That fucker needs to get his shit together." Amari took a hold of your head as she sat back down, your head now laying on her lap.

"I know...but I already told him that I'd be there."

Amari gives a 'girl you serious?' look. You bit your bottom lip to hold in the awkward laugh that wanted to come out.

Your phone ding signaling that a text message came through. You ignored it as once again the nerves were making its way into your system.

"That him?" Amari voice laced with annoyance. "If it is...I guess we can go together and drop his shit."

You shot up from the couch, facing her. "You don't have to I can go by myself."

"Girl, do you think I'm going to let you walk alone at this time, nah we are in this together." Amari chuckles engulfing you into a side hug.


	2. one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time is healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! I just want to say thank you for reading my story & I hope you guys like it. This is my very first time writing something like this so take it easy okay? Anyway this chapter kind shows Y/N's views on sex and later on throughout the story you'd soon understand why she's like that. Like I said slow chapters. Eren and Jean will show up soon, don't worry!

Ask for forgiveness and He will give you that.  
Trust in Him.

* * *

February 2, 2020  
It has been 3 months since you and your boyfriend have broken up. It has been a weird, difficult and stressful months. You thought the anxiety that he made you feel during the relationship will go away but it seems like something is lingering on or something attached itself on your soul, mind & body. It's like your body and mind wants you to itch it though you're not sure what exactly is wrong.

You have been spending your time with your friends more and more every day. Maybe this'd keep your mind distracted. You are going to be fine. If it gets worse call your old therapist. You thought.

"Gosh, Alexia you're like a sex addict." You heard Amari joke about Alexia sex life.

"Lowkey, might be. I have sex like every day or maybe dick too bomb." Alexia smirks at her own comment. It was your turn to laugh as you catch a glance of Amari rolling her eyes in a playful manner.

"Wow, she makes noises." Amari teases at you.

"Shut up. Though I do agree on Amari on the whole 'sex addict'. I've done research on that...and well.." You shrug your shoulders as if hinting that she might be one.

Alexia smacks you on your thigh. "Shut up. You guys are annoying. I just like to have sex that's all."

"We know." Amari and you said in unison. You both looked at each other. "Jinxed you owe me a soda."

"Anyway, so Y/N are you planning to date again?" Alexia asks. She was always curious on your dating and sex life, since you were the last one to lose your virginity from the group. You were always seen as 'the innocent one'. Yes, you were inexperienced on sex. Gosh, you hated this topic especially when it involved you.

"Don't you think it's too early to start dating?" Amari mentions. We were all in Alexia and her younger sister Adriana bedroom. Alexia was going through her closet and some of her drawers looking for a set of lingerie or something sexy for her Valentine's Day date with her boyfriend. It's only the second day of February.

"No offense...but Alexia three months is like a year to you. You move quickly." Amari can be blunt. She likes to speak her mind if it helps anyone at the end of the day.

Alexia gives a dramatic gasp. "Do not." She slams the last end of the drawer. "I like to keep my options open."

"Yeah, like your legs." You retorted back without thinking.

"Fuck you guys!"

"Okay, okay, relax we're just joking. There's nothing wrong about having sex or having your options open. We are young as long as we are safe." You calmly say trying to ease the tension.

"I know! I'm just fucking with you guys. You should've seen your faces!" Alexia breaks out into a fit of laughter, her arm clutching around her waist.

"You bitch!"

"Ha! Payback is a bitch that's for last week's prank!" Alexia was wild eyed as she took a deep breath, sighing taking a seat on her bed. "Okay, but all seriousness," Alexia points her forefinger at you with each sound of her words. "Are. You. Going. To date again?"

You gave a sigh of annoyance to hear her question that you were desperate to ignore since the beginning she brought it up. You think you'd never want to date again, that relationship took a huge toll on you. It drained all of your energy. I don't think I can trust men at the moment.

"I'm not really ready to go back on dating. Besides it's too much work if you think about it." You were fiddling with your rings. "And to be honest I think I need to focus on myself...I can't just throw myself back out there."

"Okay? How about just sex? Since you've lost your virginity already might be easier now." Alexia shrugs her shoulders in a matter-a-fact way.

You grimace in disgust and rolled your eyes at her statement. This is why you hated talking about this topic, you weren't really into the whole sex thing you thought it wasn't a big deal as everyone makes it seems. You always thought virginity is a big social construct, you tried to explain this to your friends though they always pinned you as 'you're a virgin how would you know' type of person. Now that you have lost it and it's like they've become more open on your sex life.

That's because your first time was—

You were unaware that you shook your head in disbelief. Making your two best friends look at you confused. It seems like your mind went deep this time than before.

"Yo? You good?" Amari gently puts her hand on your shoulder. "We kind of lost you there."

"Look this whole virgin shit and sex shit is bullshit honestly. I just can't have sex with someone without having an emotional connection, I'm not attracted to people sexually first," You pause as you glance between Amari and Alexia, their shocked faces looking at you. You were angry and annoyed, which caused you to blurt out the thing that's been bugging you for a while. "I don't like sex...I don't like having sex...okay? Now can we drop this stupid ass topic and never mention it again." You stormed off from the bedroom, heading to the bathroom.

"What's up with her?"

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this fanfic is going to be a somewhat slow burn but trust the process & also this chapter is a huge part on Y/N's character development so I'm sorry she sounds like a sad bitch lmao you will soon understand. Thank you for reading. ❤️


End file.
